Sometimes I don't understand myself. I can only imagine how others must feel, trying to figure me out. But really, they probably don't. Most people probably don't think the way I do; having the need to know how people work all the time. Because I think the true reason I need to know how people tick is because maybe I can stop fearing them. If I can know someone inside and out, maybe I can see it coming when they get ready to run away.
Sometimes I fear being single, and yet I know why I do. And that's what scares me most.
Because I don't fear being alone forever because I'm ugly or fat or anything like that. I fear being alone for the rest of my life, because I'm not sure I know how to connect with people on a really deep, fundamental level. I want to. I want to with all my heart. And yet it frightens me. Because what if I really put my heart into someone who matters, who I think will last... and then they fail me. Could I take that blow? I really don't know. And I won't, if I never take that risk. But I also won't know a lot of other, beautiful things.
